benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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