Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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