sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
