He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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