I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
