y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
