Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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