i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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