...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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