i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
