careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
