Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
