Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
