you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize