I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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