The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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