that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize