do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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