I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize