i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
