All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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