Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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