I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
