I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
