why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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