I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
