I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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