If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
