3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
