There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
