Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
