Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
