Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
