my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
