And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
