You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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