I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
