I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
