Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
