I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
