wanna go halves on a baby?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
