At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
