ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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