well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
