Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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