haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
