please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
