at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
