I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
