There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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