the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
