Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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