Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
