if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
