Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
