You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize