YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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