peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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