tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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