OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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