i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i have herpe
just one?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
