and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just puked most of my soul out..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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