i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize