I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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