pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
