If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
