Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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