I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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