Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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