shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
